2013 treated us well, and we are looking forward to the year ahead. I’m not sure if I’m a resolution kinda gal. But I luuuhuv (love) reflection. I over analyze everything…….and looking back at my life/year and making sense of it is the good stuff…..where it gets real.
*I tend to ramble when I write, but that’s just how my mind works so this will be a scramble. I appreciate an organized and eloquently written blog post, but sometimes I’m too busy living for that;).
2013 slapped me in the face and left me raw……..in a beautiful way! I’ve felt the sting, but phew it’s great to be alive! Adoption has rocked my little world. It started as a beautiful idea. And it still is, but it is so deep, and complex, life-changing, earth shattering, and profound. I had no idea last year, that I would be the person that I am today. I just didn’t anticipate the way that this journey would change the very core of who I am. But it has….and its only beginning. I can hardy wait to see my little boys face. Some days I long for him so much that it stings, and I worry about him terribly……and it feels like someone knocked the air out of me. And other days I feel silly, because we are not even matched yet! But in my heart I know that God has already made his match;) And somedays I play with his things, and rearrange his little closet a million times. Somedays (ok yesterday) I bought him a few of the softest onesies I can find. But then I felt silly because I have no idea what season it will be when I hear his name, and I can only guess what size he will be.
Many nights I wake up and grieve for his little heart. I grieve for his family. It is such a beautiful journey. One of the things I am learning about life is that the most beautiful things are not perfect. Beauty is not perfection. The moments that are worth living for usually have a heavy dose of pain, problems, or struggle on the side. I think the same might be true of people:)…………and parenting, marriage, and faith. Ok so maybe this was the theme song for 2013 “Beautiful ____________is not perfect!”
A beautiful marriage is not perfect.
“Perhaps it is our imperfections that make us perfect for each other.” -someone wise. We are two little souls who both brought some “messy stuff” to the table, back in the halls of OHS;). Boy has it been a wild ride for these two! It isn’t always easy, but we sure have fun. And we always come out better on the other side. I think we both would tell you that our challenges have made the successes of our love so much sweeter. I would ride the lowest of lows with this man, just to belly laugh at our mistakes a decade later. He is the twinkle in my eye. When I see it in his blue eyes….I know that beautiful struggle, because we’ve lived it together.
Beautiful motherhood isn’t perfection.
I’ve never worked so hard at something with every intention of my being. And simultaneous felt like I was failing, and questioning every move. These two have given me the happiest most fulfilling moments of my life. They have also taken my life and turned it inside out.
I’m only three years in to being the one that they call mommy. But I’ve learned a lot! I started out striving for perfection. Creating the perfect home, spending a lot of energy keeping everything in its place, planning the healthiest meals, agonizing over the decision to stop breast feeding……because “breast is best,” keeping those little faces clean and bodies covered in adorable things, trying every ridiculous infant and toddler organized activity until the perfect one comes along……! The list was long and unachievable. And really I just had to live it out to see that my kids really just needed me to relax and be me. The beauty of motherhood isn’t in the perfection. The beauty is in the moment your unhappy baby sucks down a bottle of formula and you are both content…..and you finally know that you made the right decision. The beauty is when your child shines and not the clothes that they are wearing. My most cherished photos of those two are often in just a diaper, a plain white tee, and hair all askew;). My house is more often messy than clean. And we dabble in toddler activities. I am a much more relaxed mom now. Honestly raising children has so many seasons. And if perfection is a priority it’s difficult to ride the waves. Beautiful motherhood is not perfection.
Cheers to a beautiful and messy 2013! I would love to hear what you choose to fill the blank with. “Beautiful _______is not perfection.” Faith will have to be on another day for me;)